Looking for 5 alternative apps to write about for this article wasn't hard because of the amount of bloody apps that are available ( On the Apple I-Store anyway ). The majority of the apps are pointless pieces of shit that people have to pay for, but I have no idea why - Angry Birds Space? Clearly you haven't figured out what a girlfriend is yet you knobhead! Anyway if you don't agree with the 5 apps I have chosen send me a message and tell me why and I will more than likely ignore it because I don't care what you think, ToThePointLAD.
First of all TV Catchup is the stupidest name possible for this app because there is no flippin catching up involved. The app is essentially live TV channels that are available on SKY, but only a selection. So it is basically an app for people who don't want to pay for SKY TV and would rather steal the TV channels and watch them on the go! TV Catchup also shows how technology is taking over the world, Terminator is going to happen! On the other hand it just shows how fucking lazy most of us are becoming, including me because I have the app on my I-Pad ( HypocriteLAD ) But TV Catchup is a free app and with the way the economy is at the minute I don't blame people for using it, "Stop getting all technical you boring knob!" Fine, if you like to watch TV, stay in bed and be lazy in general this is a great app for you!
Shave Me:
I honestly have no idea why you would want to own this app. Well unless you are someone whose beard hasn't started to grow yet and you want to practice on an app where you can get your friends to send you photos and you add beards to them, yes that includes me! To make this app even bloody wierder you can "Choose over 100 different beard types and shavers" how many different types of shavers do you need on an app where you can't even shave something real? There are some strange fucking people out there! Just like TV Catchup there is something pointless on this app, the chance to add tattoos to your body... Erm what?! WierdLAD. So not only do you have the ability to shave your friends bodies, depending on what part of themslef they send to you in a picture, you can then become a tattoo artist. No wonder kids these days want tattoos at fucking 5 years old! But if this is your thing, you strange lonely freak, then the app is free and will satisfy your wierd thoughts such as shaving your friends!
RaceFan Radio:
And back to reality! RaceFan Radio is for people, like me, that live and breath NASCAR. What the fuck is NASCAR I hear you cry? BrutalLAD. Well just imagine F1 if it wasn't boring. There that was easy to do wasn't it! This app gives you the opportunity to listen to the races from anywhere you want, taking a shit on the toilet or during that awkward sex scene in a film when you are watching it with your parents, we've all been there! Listening to the races on the app, which is free - always a good thing! - makes you feel like you are actually at the race, without being at the race. Well that's bloody stupid! I hear someone else shout, well no because if you don't want to spend £5000 in total to get to the race the. It is a perfect alternative, so there you loud mouthed tit - sit down and shut up! If you are a hardcore race fan that doesn't want to pay £10 a month to get the TV channel that the race are on, then this free app is a great alternative!
FFT Stats Zone:
Now I know that FourFourTwo is not something that is really an alternative, but the stats zone app is -an alternative to becoming a sports journalist and watching at least 10 football matches at once and taking note of everything that happens during the games. Everything from number of corners, shots that a player had had during the game to how many times Gareth Bale decides to dive during a game. FaggotLAD. Okay I made that last one up, but that would make this app even better if that was one of the stats available! If your a budding statto - get eating the pies mate because your going to have to become a fat bastard - then this app is something that will make you dribble in more than one place! "Torres had 55 shots and only 1 was on target, I can add that to my stat book" whatever takes your fancy or makes you happy mate. I must admit that I like this app because it shows that sport is becoming more technology based and more information is becoming available to the fans, next stop cameras in the dressing rooms like that sport where they play with a funny shaped ball!
A Granny's Big Adventure:
You would not have got something like this 10 years ago, "we'll yeah you knobhead because apps didn't exist 10 years ago!" Okay, I wrote myself straight into that one, but what I meant was that this just shows how much people don't respect the elderly in modern society! Which isn't surprising after that ITV comedy show which got elderly actors to prank the younger generation. This app was probably created by some who either wanted to take the piss out of Granny's or Granny's are his thing and he wanted his Granny to go on an adventure! Whatever the reason is for creating this app, it is defiantly a laugh and if some "Angry" Birds could take the world by storm and get their own video game, Figures and song then why can't a nighttime Granny who needs to find an exit from each level you have to play do the same? Well maybe because angry birds are wow thigh that no one has seen before, whereas Granny's are fucking everywhere! GrannyLAD.
So there you go 5 alternative apps criticised and praised by me, someone whose opinion you will probably not give a shit about and either get these apps or totally ignore what I have said because you think I am a twat because of what I have said and buy other apps!
Cheers
Mark Smith
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